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How To Enjoy Your Relationship

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If we’re to pick pieces of broken hearts; the world would never have enough containers to store them. One way or the other, people wake up with the expectation of fairy tale love just to discover they only exist in novels, films/movies or plain stage acting. How could one be rescued from this bizarre feeling? – Mirage that leaves you totally helpless and devastated.

Sharing the view of Sam Keen “We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly” helps calm some nerves when our expectations are not met by the one we love. There is no harm in desiring a warm and romantic relationship but your heart should be even more prepared to cope with the disappointment; if they do not click as envisaged.

When I was single, I honestly looked forward to a romantic reconciliation where my husband would wrap his arm round me to settle a conflict. After our wedding, it was nerve wrecking for me to see my husband getting enraged and maintaining his angry disposition during misunderstandings. I thought privately; ‘How lucky the women in films I watched were’ and started judging my husband for not being as romantic as the other men I read about in novels.

The next thing was for me to think down on myself and relationship and secretly wished I had followed one of those play boys who swore by anything to ‘make you happy all the days of your life’. “Was there something wrong with me/us? Was there anything I could have done to get a better chance of enjoying my love? Going out of my way to get approval became an obvious route but being calm in crisis kept me- I knew if I started doing unnecessary things to win my husband’s love at the beginning of the relationships; he’ll expect me to do that all the days of my life and I wasn’t sure I could play along successfully: even the best actor/actress gets tired after a while- you definitely cannot pretend for the rest of your life.

I did bag a few moments of disappointment, frustration and resentment but the realisation that true love is different from what we read and watch in movies was quite liberating for me; I had to wake up and face reality. The day I read that “romantic love is not enough to make your marriage work” launched me on a journey to discover what other things could help a relationship work well. This time around, romantic love became ‘a dessert and not the main meal’. It became clearer to me that ‘real men’ could get angry and later find a suitable solution for their problems rather than roll under the duvet; basking in hot sessions of love making- as if that would solve their problems.

Learning to thrash issues together would not only help you understand each other but you would also get to know your weaknesses and be able to assess your ability to resolve issues without wounding your spouse. With time, I would just say to myself “These guys are acting for their money and following the script they’ve been given”. That way, I was able to separate reality from stage play and moreover; the divorce rate found among actors/actresses simply confirmed something to me – ‘if they were that good; their homes in real life should be absolutely happy and intact’. But ‘NO’; some of them are either divorce severally or never wanting to commit to the demands of family life so who is being deceived?

Now, it is totally impossible for anyone to distract me from my relationship or make me feel theirs is better than mine. It’s true we have different levels of comfort and different levels of problems too but what matters to me is how I can make the best out of my life. I once told someone that the grass may look greener on the other side but as you try to cross over, they may all whither or you may be shocked to discover that you didn’t see well- it’s not what you thought after all. Will shame allow you to come back to where you left? Will you be good enough to forgive yourself for that hasty generalisation? Many just chose to end it there and negatively conclude there is nothing good about being in love but I tell you love makes the world go warm?

Finding/enjoying love could be a really refreshing experience if you can….

Educate your mind: Whether you call it the mind, mentality, thinking or belief-system, we are possibly all saying the same thing and probably heading in the same direction. If I had the chance to talk to all the people getting into relationships or marriage as it were; I would not be tired of telling them the importance of preparing their mind for the journey ahead. When I had my TV production training on ‘EDITING’ the resource person asked us what was the number one thing you should bring to the editing room and we went all around to mention the latest equipment we had at the time but finally he said… “Your brain” Oh! What a clever answer! You may wish to ask if a living person could survive without his/her brain. What I mean is ‘right thinking’.

It’s amazing how people get easily swayed by comments, delusion and promises that can hardly come true. If someone come to tell you how fantastic their relationship is, do you ever bother to ask them to tell you what they do not like in the same persons? Yes! You’ll automatically disarm them. Although a few of them say nice things to sincerely appreciate their spouse; majority are just empty talk aimed at intimidating you or provoking you to self pity and resentment toward your union. A guy who brags that his wife brings in all the money they squander in life will continue to be lousy until someone asks him what he contributes as the man of the house.

If a woman claims every bit of what she wears came from her partner you’ll find yourself wondering if she was ‘a decorated tree’. At no point in life should you allow someone oppress you with stories of how well life is with them: think, try and use your brain because sometimes if you look closely, you could pick bits and pieces of the true situation either in their voice tone, gesture, looks, etc. Too many people mask their pains; thinking they can deceive the world so do not be deceived- everyone has got challenges they are going through and if given the opportunity would want to run out of that relationship they’re trying to making you feel jealous of.

….Continues next week!!

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Posted in Nigeria News. A DisNaija.Com network.

Source: PM News

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Nigeria News

Kano Transfers Over 1,000 Almajiris To Different States Amidst COVID-19 Pandemic

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The Kano State Government on Saturday said it has transferred 1,098 ‘almajiris’ to different states of the country.

The commissioner for local government, Murtala Garo, disclosed this while presenting a report before the state’s task force on COVID-19 at the government house, Kano.

Almajiris are children who are supposed to be learning Islamic studies while living with their Islamic teachers. Majority of them, however, end up begging on the streets of Northern Nigeria. They constitute a large number of Nigeria’s over 10 million out-of-school children.

Mr Garo said the Kano government transported 419 almajiris to Katsina, 524 to Jigawa and 155 to Kaduna. He said all of them tested negative for coronavirus before leaving the Kano State.

Despite the coronavirus test done in Kano for the almajiris, the Jigawa government earlier said it would quarantine for two weeks all the almajiris that recently arrived from Kano.

Mr Garo said another 100 almajiris scheduled to be taken to Bauchi State also tested negative to COVID-19.

In a remark, Governor Abdullahi Ganduje said the COVID-19 situation in Kano was getting worse. He appealed for a collaborative effort to curtail the spread of the virus in the state.

Mr Ganduje, who commended residents for complying with the lockdown imposed in the state, said the decision was taken to halt the spread of the virus.

Kano State, as of Saturday night, has 77 coronavirus cases, according to the Nigeria Centre for Disease Control.

The decision to transfer the Kano almajiris is part of the agreement reached between Northern governors that almajiris in each state be transferred to their states of origin.

However, even before the latest agreement by the governors, the Kano government had been transferring almajiris to other states and neighbouring countries after it banned street begging in the state, most populous in Northern Nigeria.

Despite the transfers, however, no concrete step has been taken to ensure such children do not return to Kano streets as there is freedom of movement across Nigeria although interstate travel was recently banned to check the spread of the coronavirus.

 

Sourced From: Premium Times Nigeria

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Nigeria News

COVID-19: ‘Bakassi Boys’ Foil Attempt To Smuggle 24 Women Into Abia In Container

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By Ugochukwu Alaribe

Operatives of the Abia State Vigilante Service, AVS, popularly known as ‘Bakassi Boys’ have arrested 24 market women hidden in a container truck, at Ekwereazu Ngwa, the boundary community between Abia and Akwa Ibom states.

The market women, said to be  from Akwa Ibom State, were on their way to Aba, when they were arrested with the truck driver and two of his conductors for violating the lockdown order by the state government.

Driver of the truck, Moses Asuquo, claimed he was going to Aba to purchase stock fish, but decided to assist the market women, because they were stranded.

A vigilante source told Sunday Vanguard that the vehicle was impounded while the market women were sent back to Akwa Ibom State.

Commissioner for Home Land Security, Prince Dan Okoli, who confirmed the incident, said that  smuggling of people into the state poses great threat to the state government’s efforts to contain the spread of COVID- 19.

 

Sourced From: Vanguard News

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Nigeria News

Woman Kills Her Maid Over Salary Request

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Operatives of the State Criminal Investigation and Intelligence Department (SCIID), Yaba of the Lagos State police command have arrested one Mrs Nene Steve for allegedly killing her maid, Joy Adole

The maid was allegedly beaten to death by Nene for requesting for her salary at their residence located at 18, Ogundola Street, Bariga area in Lagos.

Narrating the incident, Philips Ejeh, an elder brother to the deceased said that he was sad when they informed him that his sister was beaten to death.

He explained that the deceased was an indigene of Benue State brought to Lagos through an agent and started working with her as a maid  in January 2020.

‘’She reported that her boss refused to pay her and anytime she asked for her salary she will start beating her.

She was making an attempt to leave the place but due to the total lockdown she remained there until Sunday when her boss said she caught her stealing noodles and this led to her serious beating and death,’’ Ejeh said.

He called on Lagos State Government and well- meaning people in the country to help them in getting justice for the victim.

The police spokesman, Bala Elkana, stated that the woman and her husband came to Bariga Police  Station to a report that their house girl had committed suicide.

Detectives were said to have visited the house and suspected foul play with the position of the rope and bruises all over the body which confirmed that the girl had been tortured to death and the boss decided to hang up the girl to make it look like suicide.

He said: “The police moved on with their investigation and found a lot of sign of violence on her body that she has been tortured before a rope was put on her neck.’’

He added that the police removed the corpse and deposited it in the mortuary for autopsy to further ascertain the cause of the death.

Elkana said the matter has been transferred from Bariga police station to Panti for further investigation while the couple have been arrested and will be charged to court.

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Boko Haram Attacks: Buhari Summons Urgent Meeting Of Service Chiefs

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President Buhari and the Service Chiefs in a meeting. (File photo)

Ostensibly alarmed by the latest killings of dozens of soldiers by Boko Haram insurgents, President Muhammadu Buhari has summoned an urgent meeting of Service Chiefs to find ways to stop the trend. 

He has also dispatched the Minister of Defence, Mansur Dan Ali, to the neighbouring Republic of Chad for an urgent meeting with President Idris Deby and his defence counterpart. 

Knowledgeable sources said in Abuja on Friday that the president is worried by on the deterioration of security situation on the Nigeria – Chad Border that has led to the recently increased Boko Haram terrorism in the area.

The sources which did not want to be named in Abuja said: “Nigeria has a Chad  problem in the Multi-National Joint Task Force (MNJTF) put together to secure the Lake Chad basin areas and repeal the Boko Haram terrorist attacks against all the countries neighbouring the Lake.”

The sources noted that Chad is believed to be having their own internal security challenges and this has reportedly led to their pulling away their own troops manning their own border around Lake Chad,  saying: “That lacuna is being exploited by the Boko Haram terrorists, who go in and out of Nigeria, Niger and Cameroon to launch terrorist acts.  This is a clear illustration of the fact that terrorism is beyond national borders.”

When contacted, the Senior Special Assistant to the President on Media and Publicity, Garba Shehu, confirmed that the Defence Minister is going to Chad but said he is unaware of the purpose. 

Meanwhile, the military authorities are said to be in the process of identifying the families of the latest victims with a view to making contact with them. 

Credible sources revealed that it is the reason the president is yet to make any pronouncement on the matter. 

“The President has called an urgent meeting with the Service Chiefs, as well as the fact that families of the latest victims of the Boko Haram are being identified and contacts made before a government pronouncement on the tragic attacks. This, it is understood, is the reason for the silence of the government over the incident,” the source said. 

 

Sourced From: Tribune

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