{"id":1543,"date":"2013-04-05T12:41:26","date_gmt":"2013-04-05T12:41:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/disnaija.com\/nigeria-news\/how-to-enjoy-your-relationship\/"},"modified":"2013-04-05T12:41:26","modified_gmt":"2013-04-05T12:41:26","slug":"how-to-enjoy-your-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/disnaija.com\/how-to-enjoy-your-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Enjoy Your Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"
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If we\u2019re to pick pieces of broken hearts; the world would never have enough containers to store them. One way or the other, people wake up with the expectation of fairy tale love just to discover they only exist in novels, films\/movies or plain stage acting. How could one be rescued from this bizarre feeling? – Mirage that leaves you totally helpless and devastated.<\/p>\n

Sharing the view of Sam Keen \u201cWe come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly\u201d helps calm some nerves when our expectations are not met by the one we love. There is no harm in desiring a warm and romantic relationship but your heart should be even more prepared to cope with the disappointment; if they do not click as envisaged.<\/p>\n

When I was single, I honestly looked forward to a romantic reconciliation where my husband would wrap his arm round me to settle a conflict. After our wedding, it was nerve wrecking for me to see my husband getting enraged and maintaining his angry disposition during misunderstandings. I thought privately; \u2018How lucky the women in films I watched were\u2019 and started judging my husband for not being as romantic as the other men I read about in novels.<\/p>\n

The next thing was for me to think down on myself and relationship and secretly wished I had followed one of those play boys who swore by anything to \u2018make you happy all the days of your life\u2019. \u201cWas there something wrong with me\/us? Was there anything I could have done to get a better chance of enjoying my love? Going out of my way to get approval became an obvious route but being calm in crisis kept me- I knew if I started doing unnecessary things to win my husband\u2019s love at the beginning of the relationships; he\u2019ll expect me to do that all the days of my life and I wasn\u2019t sure I could play along successfully: even the best actor\/actress gets tired after a while- you definitely cannot pretend for the rest of your life.<\/p>\n

I did bag a few moments of disappointment, frustration and resentment but the realisation that true love is different from what we read and watch in movies was quite liberating for me; I had to wake up and face reality. The day I read that \u201cromantic love is not enough to make your marriage work\u201d launched me on a journey to discover what other things could help a relationship work well. This time around, romantic love became \u2018a dessert and not the main meal\u2019. It became clearer to me that \u2018real men\u2019 could get angry and later find a suitable solution for their problems rather than roll under the duvet; basking in hot sessions of love making- as if that would solve their problems.<\/p>\n

Learning to thrash issues together would not only help you understand each other but you would also get to know your weaknesses and be able to assess your ability to resolve issues without wounding your spouse. With time, I would just say to myself \u201cThese guys are acting for their money and following the script they\u2019ve been given\u201d. That way, I was able to separate reality from stage play and moreover; the divorce rate found among actors\/actresses simply confirmed something to me \u2013 \u2018if they were that good; their homes in real life should be absolutely happy and intact\u2019. But \u2018NO\u2019; some of them are either divorce severally or never wanting to commit to the demands of family life so who is being deceived?<\/p>\n

Now, it is totally impossible for anyone to distract me from my relationship or make me feel theirs is better than mine. It\u2019s true we have different levels of comfort and different levels of problems too but what matters to me is how I can make the best out of my life. I once told someone that the grass may look greener on the other side but as you try to cross over, they may all whither or you may be shocked to discover that you didn\u2019t see well- it\u2019s not what you thought after all. Will shame allow you to come back to where you left? Will you be good enough to forgive yourself for that hasty generalisation? Many just chose to end it there and negatively conclude there is nothing good about being in love but I tell you love makes the world go warm?<\/p>\n

Finding\/enjoying love could be a really refreshing experience if you can….<\/p>\n

Educate your mind: Whether you call it the mind, mentality, thinking or belief-system, we are possibly all saying the same thing and probably heading in the same direction. If I had the chance to talk to all the people getting into relationships or marriage as it were; I would not be tired of telling them the importance of preparing their mind for the journey ahead. When I had my TV production training on \u2018EDITING\u2019 the resource person asked us what was the number one thing you should bring to the editing room and we went all around to mention the latest equipment we had at the time but finally he said… \u201cYour brain\u201d Oh! What a clever answer! You may wish to ask if a living person could survive without his\/her brain. What I mean is \u2018right thinking\u2019.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s amazing how people get easily swayed by comments, delusion and promises that can hardly come true. If someone come to tell you how fantastic their relationship is, do you ever bother to ask them to tell you what they do not like in the same persons? Yes! You\u2019ll automatically disarm them. Although a few of them say nice things to sincerely appreciate their spouse; majority are just empty talk aimed at intimidating you or provoking you to self pity and resentment toward your union. A guy who brags that his wife brings in all the money they squander in life will continue to be lousy until someone asks him what he contributes as the man of the house.<\/p>\n

If a woman claims every bit of what she wears came from her partner you\u2019ll find yourself wondering if she was \u2018a decorated tree\u2019. At no point in life should you allow someone oppress you with stories of how well life is with them: think, try and use your brain because sometimes if you look closely, you could pick bits and pieces of the true situation either in their voice tone, gesture, looks, etc. Too many people mask their pains; thinking they can deceive the world so do not be deceived- everyone has got challenges they are going through and if given the opportunity would want to run out of that relationship they\u2019re trying to making you feel jealous of.<\/p>\n

….Continues next week!!<\/em><\/p>\n

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