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Sexual Rejection

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This is something I have been thinking of handling for quite a while but needed to naturally get into it. By using the word ‘naturally’ I mean “Being sure people really wanted to read about it”. Mails, private discuss and anonymous questions have all revealed the ‘heat’.

The word ‘sex’ on its own is treated as sacred; people aren’t very open to talk about it and when used carelessly by young ones is an indication of being corrupt.

Growing up with this mentality has made addressing sexual issues in relationships even as adult almost a ‘taboo’.  Whether we like to talk about it or not has nothing to do with the problem itself; it doesn’t make it go away or get better.

That is why, taking the bull by the horn, talking about it might bring some level of relief to many. People would rather suffer in silence, cry in their closet or be buried in sighs of hurt all night just to show up as ‘happily married’ during the day to other people. This is kept and owned as ‘private battle’ but for how long?

Great shame is associated with rejection generally and now that it’s coming from someone that has not only promised but also ‘VOWED’ to be intimate with you thru life: how humiliating can it be?

The world is used to the man as the ‘chaser’ and the woman at the receiving end – this is the traditional love making queue. A man is the hunter with loads of energy and determination to catch and savour. This in a way boosts his masculine pride; telling him the world is at his foot. When the table turns and he’s no more interested in chasing, his wife gets totally confused and feels REJECTED in every sense of the word: it is a terrible place to be in marriage, the pain bites so deep and it affects other areas of your life.

A mother of four once said to me: “Initially I thought it was my weight that put him off so I practically lived at the gym, starved myself to a size zero yet nothing changed. He doesn’t even hide from me that other babes are on the line.  You can see it all over him that he’s having the time of his life”.

This excruciating and devastating condition gets even worse each time you see other couples holding hands or just stealing romantic looks at each other- you can’t but ask what wrong you have committed to be totally rejected by yours.

If sex for you is a ‘validating tool’, this era of life will be very difficult for you to bear. If your husband’s attraction to you authenticates you, finding other things to fill up this period might be challenging and ‘slow’. You can’t but think; is there something wrong with me? Are other women better than me? Have I changed from the same person that made his head spin? Is someone/something behind my woe?

The questions are endless. The process of finding fault with ‘you’ rips you of self esteem and makes you feel like a-good –for-nothing old brat who is merely managed by her ‘supreme’ boss.

The most painful thing is that women in this situation would hardly remember to think they might not be the cause of the problem at all. The temptation to condemn self is so high and irresistible that they naturally begin to weigh life in relation to what has not been properly done- dressing, respect for the man, support, care, love, etc.

In as much as it is good to check on self to determine if the fault is yours; it would be helpful to understand that some wicked spouses- both male and female- use sex as a manipulative tool. They say; “if he/she does this, they have me fully in bed but if not, my body I keep.”

Whoever withholds sex to exchange for something is cruel. To some, it is a clear sign that “I am no longer interested in this relationship” but for crying out loud, this is a coward’s approach to crisis. Why can’t you face your problems and deal with them; stop being funny.

It might be shocking to hear that some of these rejections are not really rejections but ‘MASK’. A man in his typical nature will not want to openly accept defeat even before his darling wife. Several things may cause him not to want sexual intimacy but saying it might mean weakness to him so he hides under the mask of “I’m not interested.”

Some of these things could be….

•Tiredness: When a man is tired, the show is going to be ‘bad’ so instead of making a mess of himself, he’ll rather decline with pride. He values his performance so much that even when there is no third party waiting to applaud or condemn him, failure is the last thing he will want to experience.

•Timing: A home maker wife who waits all day for her husband’s return will find it hard to believe that he needs some time to recuperate. Being on a stressful job can very easily make nonsense of your evening even with a charming wife willing to give her best.

Instead of early evening ‘play’, catching up with the morning hue might work wonders for some. Experts have also said that the production of testosterone is higher in the morning thus helping the man to be at his best.

•Medication: Certain medications hamper a man’s performance which he might not even know about.

•Medical conditions: There are a thousand and one medical conditions like obesity, impotence, joint/muscles disorder, etc that can make a man feel less than usual. But if diagnosed; treatments also abound.

•Flirting: Men who look out for other women sometimes tend to forget or totally abandon the one at home. After eating ‘junk’ outside; he cannot be bothered to check out what the home front holds for the night- what cruelty!

•Challenges: It’s good to note that when a man is stressed, his desire for sex is suppressed. Be it a difficult time at work, financial pressure, loss of a loved one or any other thing important to him is capable of drowning his drive.

•Attitude: Attitude they say ‘is everything’. If you’ve been having problems generally in the relationship, it would be a bit out of place to expect sex to be working optimally. Your attitude toward him goes a long way to determine if he’ll want to be intimate with you or not. Does he feel respected? Do you talk to him as ‘the man of the house?

•You: If you do not look attractive and smell fresh sex might not interest him. Men love to see good stuff; give it to them but if after all you’ve done he’s still not turned on, be patient and concentrate on other things.

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Posted in Nigeria News. A DisNaija.Com network.

Source: PM News

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Nigeria News

Kano Transfers Over 1,000 Almajiris To Different States Amidst COVID-19 Pandemic

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The Kano State Government on Saturday said it has transferred 1,098 ‘almajiris’ to different states of the country.

The commissioner for local government, Murtala Garo, disclosed this while presenting a report before the state’s task force on COVID-19 at the government house, Kano.

Almajiris are children who are supposed to be learning Islamic studies while living with their Islamic teachers. Majority of them, however, end up begging on the streets of Northern Nigeria. They constitute a large number of Nigeria’s over 10 million out-of-school children.

Mr Garo said the Kano government transported 419 almajiris to Katsina, 524 to Jigawa and 155 to Kaduna. He said all of them tested negative for coronavirus before leaving the Kano State.

Despite the coronavirus test done in Kano for the almajiris, the Jigawa government earlier said it would quarantine for two weeks all the almajiris that recently arrived from Kano.

Mr Garo said another 100 almajiris scheduled to be taken to Bauchi State also tested negative to COVID-19.

In a remark, Governor Abdullahi Ganduje said the COVID-19 situation in Kano was getting worse. He appealed for a collaborative effort to curtail the spread of the virus in the state.

Mr Ganduje, who commended residents for complying with the lockdown imposed in the state, said the decision was taken to halt the spread of the virus.

Kano State, as of Saturday night, has 77 coronavirus cases, according to the Nigeria Centre for Disease Control.

The decision to transfer the Kano almajiris is part of the agreement reached between Northern governors that almajiris in each state be transferred to their states of origin.

However, even before the latest agreement by the governors, the Kano government had been transferring almajiris to other states and neighbouring countries after it banned street begging in the state, most populous in Northern Nigeria.

Despite the transfers, however, no concrete step has been taken to ensure such children do not return to Kano streets as there is freedom of movement across Nigeria although interstate travel was recently banned to check the spread of the coronavirus.

 

Sourced From: Premium Times Nigeria

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Nigeria News

COVID-19: ‘Bakassi Boys’ Foil Attempt To Smuggle 24 Women Into Abia In Container

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By Ugochukwu Alaribe

Operatives of the Abia State Vigilante Service, AVS, popularly known as ‘Bakassi Boys’ have arrested 24 market women hidden in a container truck, at Ekwereazu Ngwa, the boundary community between Abia and Akwa Ibom states.

The market women, said to be  from Akwa Ibom State, were on their way to Aba, when they were arrested with the truck driver and two of his conductors for violating the lockdown order by the state government.

Driver of the truck, Moses Asuquo, claimed he was going to Aba to purchase stock fish, but decided to assist the market women, because they were stranded.

A vigilante source told Sunday Vanguard that the vehicle was impounded while the market women were sent back to Akwa Ibom State.

Commissioner for Home Land Security, Prince Dan Okoli, who confirmed the incident, said that  smuggling of people into the state poses great threat to the state government’s efforts to contain the spread of COVID- 19.

 

Sourced From: Vanguard News

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Nigeria News

Woman Kills Her Maid Over Salary Request

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Operatives of the State Criminal Investigation and Intelligence Department (SCIID), Yaba of the Lagos State police command have arrested one Mrs Nene Steve for allegedly killing her maid, Joy Adole

The maid was allegedly beaten to death by Nene for requesting for her salary at their residence located at 18, Ogundola Street, Bariga area in Lagos.

Narrating the incident, Philips Ejeh, an elder brother to the deceased said that he was sad when they informed him that his sister was beaten to death.

He explained that the deceased was an indigene of Benue State brought to Lagos through an agent and started working with her as a maid  in January 2020.

‘’She reported that her boss refused to pay her and anytime she asked for her salary she will start beating her.

She was making an attempt to leave the place but due to the total lockdown she remained there until Sunday when her boss said she caught her stealing noodles and this led to her serious beating and death,’’ Ejeh said.

He called on Lagos State Government and well- meaning people in the country to help them in getting justice for the victim.

The police spokesman, Bala Elkana, stated that the woman and her husband came to Bariga Police  Station to a report that their house girl had committed suicide.

Detectives were said to have visited the house and suspected foul play with the position of the rope and bruises all over the body which confirmed that the girl had been tortured to death and the boss decided to hang up the girl to make it look like suicide.

He said: “The police moved on with their investigation and found a lot of sign of violence on her body that she has been tortured before a rope was put on her neck.’’

He added that the police removed the corpse and deposited it in the mortuary for autopsy to further ascertain the cause of the death.

Elkana said the matter has been transferred from Bariga police station to Panti for further investigation while the couple have been arrested and will be charged to court.

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Tribune

Boko Haram Attacks: Buhari Summons Urgent Meeting Of Service Chiefs

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President Buhari and the Service Chiefs in a meeting. (File photo)

Ostensibly alarmed by the latest killings of dozens of soldiers by Boko Haram insurgents, President Muhammadu Buhari has summoned an urgent meeting of Service Chiefs to find ways to stop the trend. 

He has also dispatched the Minister of Defence, Mansur Dan Ali, to the neighbouring Republic of Chad for an urgent meeting with President Idris Deby and his defence counterpart. 

Knowledgeable sources said in Abuja on Friday that the president is worried by on the deterioration of security situation on the Nigeria – Chad Border that has led to the recently increased Boko Haram terrorism in the area.

The sources which did not want to be named in Abuja said: “Nigeria has a Chad  problem in the Multi-National Joint Task Force (MNJTF) put together to secure the Lake Chad basin areas and repeal the Boko Haram terrorist attacks against all the countries neighbouring the Lake.”

The sources noted that Chad is believed to be having their own internal security challenges and this has reportedly led to their pulling away their own troops manning their own border around Lake Chad,  saying: “That lacuna is being exploited by the Boko Haram terrorists, who go in and out of Nigeria, Niger and Cameroon to launch terrorist acts.  This is a clear illustration of the fact that terrorism is beyond national borders.”

When contacted, the Senior Special Assistant to the President on Media and Publicity, Garba Shehu, confirmed that the Defence Minister is going to Chad but said he is unaware of the purpose. 

Meanwhile, the military authorities are said to be in the process of identifying the families of the latest victims with a view to making contact with them. 

Credible sources revealed that it is the reason the president is yet to make any pronouncement on the matter. 

“The President has called an urgent meeting with the Service Chiefs, as well as the fact that families of the latest victims of the Boko Haram are being identified and contacts made before a government pronouncement on the tragic attacks. This, it is understood, is the reason for the silence of the government over the incident,” the source said. 

 

Sourced From: Tribune

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